Category: Let's talk
Well the question is this, do you think that you should be committed to your extended family, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles … etc no matter what the circumstances? I shall ilaborate slightly. I didn’t grow up In this country, I grew up in south Africa. I left England when I was just a baby and returned for the first time when I was 4 years old, I therefore didn’t even meet my extended family until then. Then I went to boarding school and only came home at weekends, so still my extended family did not play a major part in my life. Then we returned to south Africa when I was 9 and didn’t come back here again until I was 19, so once again, I didn’t see the family. And now that I’m back, (have been back for 12 years now) I’m expected to be the dutiful granddaughter … etc. Thing is, to me, they could be anyone! They’ve never been a part of my life, so should it really be the case that because they’re family, one should be loyal to them anyway? Any thoughts? btw it's not personal advice I'm after just interested in general *smiles*
Hmmm. Well, I think if you didn't know you're family very well, that it would be hard to feel like you should be there all the time for them. Not because they werent there for you, but just because you didn't know them well so may not have been that close. (I'm not saying whether or not this happened, but I think that's how I would feel in that case anyway.) If it were most other family, that I knew and cared for (which I care for all the family members I know of), if they needed help, I would be there for them if possible, and if somethings seemed very important to them for me to be there, yes I would put that before my friends if it was something like a once in a lifetime thing or if they were in a hospital or something like that.
Leilani
If a friend were also very sick or in trouble and so was a family member, I'd try to spend equal time with them if possible also, or if the friend was sick, I would still visit them and everything, just so y'all know, I do care about my friends also. But I guess I'm saying if it were a choice between something less urgent (such as a regular party for a friend and one for a family member at the same time, just for example, or if both needed to borrow money for something), and I knew about both, I'd usually consider my family first in that case.
Leilani
I come from a really close family, & I'm expected to be at all the family functions. I don't always go, though. Now that family members are scattered across Canada, we're not as close as we once were. So I don't feel as obligated anymore. I wouldn't want to hang out with people who are practically strangers, even if they were my kin.
i've been in a situation similar to yours, so no, i dont think they have a rite to be in your life. afterall, they havnt for this long, so why now?
this is an issue that is specific to every individual situation. I don't think there's any clear cut rules about family. society dictates that we should always put our family first, and yet if a teen doesn't like the rules set down by his or her parents, well he/she has the right to just up and leave and the government here in australia supports that, and the parents can't do anything about it. Personally I find the whole view of blood running thicker than water to not be very accurate. I love my family of course I do, but I'm by no means as close to the extended family as social values require me to be. To be honest, some of the distant cousins just live in a different world to me, and when we do see each other at the rare family do, I feel as though I am with a bunch of strangers. Then there's the friends who are more like a family outside of a family. so I guess the question is. what is family? There's lots of different deffinitions of the family unit these days. Couples seperate, single mums, single dads, grand parents bringing up grand kids, adoption, foster kids, same gender families, The world is more accessable to everyone than it ever has been before, so kids grow up and move over seas or interstate, Family ties brake, and dynamics of relationships change. Here in australia both parents have to work in order to sustain a healthy comfortable financial life style for their kids. So in short what I'm saying is, hold the ones dearest to you close to your heart, and let the others live their lives, don't live your life based on duty and obligation and what you think others expect of you
My jodgement of people isn't in anyway affected by whether or not they're my relative. This means that if my mum is the type of person I don't like, the fact that she's my mother wouldn't make me like her. I'd still think she was a wanker whether she was my mum, someone I just came across by accident in a shopping centre, etc. If my family members or friends are in difficult situations and I feel they deserve my help they're more likely to get it than someone I don't know because I feel more strongly about them. As for your situation Sugarbaby, decide whether you think they're deesent or not before deciding how important they should be to you. If your extended family are nice people then you may get on with them and so should build a relationship with them. However, if they're not people who you would like if they weren't your relatives, don't bother with them.